9 Strategies to build personal Resilience and manage Stress positively

Dear Reader,

When you are reading these lines, it is most likely that you do not feel stressed. Let’s face it, when we really feel stressed, overwhelmed, anxious or tense, we do not feel like reading or learning. But what is stress? Stress is actually natural and necessary to survive, but mostly in exceptional life-threatening situations, such as being attacked by a wild tiger and fleeing as a stress reaction. Today in our modern everyday situations, many people face mostly non-life threatening situations, but yet feel permanent high-levels of stress, tension or anxiety. 

Stress is normal in our current life forms in situations such as starting a new job, organizing a big event, giving a high-level speech or writing an exam. Natural stress situations come along with tension. However, once the peak is reached, and the ‘danger’ has passed, the body relaxes and there is no tension. If the body however, measures the same or high levels of life threatening situations constantly, it becomes chronic and unhealthy.

9 Strategies to build your Resilience

Personal Resilience is based on a common core of personality dispositions and characteristics that enable us to be successful in the midst of a stressful situation.

Resilience includes our abilities to:

• master oneself and to be mindful;
• take steps to calm oneself when facing a stressful situation;
• maintain a good level of energy and health when under pressure;
• overcome challenges by taking action; and finally
• bounce back easily after a setback.

What can we do to reduce our stress nowadays, and to build our resilience and manage stress positively? Below are 9 Strategies, see which one suits You and when.

1. Reduce your perfectionism

Reduce words to yourself, such as “I must,” “I should,” “I have to.” Saying those perfectionist words to yourself constantly decreases your power and positive energy. You feel more frequently that you do not have your life under control. Thus, accept your own limits and do what you can. Set realistic goals and expectations for yourself.

• Do not escalate into catastrophes or dramas

Some people have tendencies to turn a stressful or tense situation into a horror scenario or a ‘Bollywood’ drama. Instead of visualizing this, catch yourself immediately and stop it! Imagine how the situation will be once you have mastered it. Visualize the positive, desired outcome you would like to see in the future.

• Do not think in “black or white” terms, or all is “great or horrible”

Going along with the drama or catastrophe, avoid thinking of extremes. Be aware and catch your mind, and give yourself a break! Rather than thinking in extremes, focus on what works, and on the positive. Stay in the “here and now.” Think pragmatically and practically. Stay on your feet and do what you can, realistically.

• Do not think problems, but overcome “challenges”

Be very mindful of your words and what you say. Use constructive and empowering words, not destructive or negative ones. Don’t say, “I am so stressed,” “I have huge problems,” etc. When you face “difficulties” or “problems,” change your words and your mind. Perceive them as a challenge to be overcome, as obstacles that you need to pass over or around. Be positive.

• Focus on your past successes and your strengths

Be forgiving to your past mistakes and focus on your past successes. Think about them and how you succeeded in the past when you faced challenges. Don’t despair and don’t ask yourself, “What am I going to do,” but change your question to “How am I going to master it?”, “How should I best move forward?” andask yourself, “How did I succeed in the past?” and “What are my strengths?”

• Nurture a positive view of Yourself

A healthy level of self-confidence or self-esteem is a core competency for resilience. Self-esteem is what you think about yourself. It means that you accept yourself, even respect yourself and eventually love who you are. Many of us get our self-esteem from external things, such as our status, job, looks or wealth. But these things may vary throughout our lives. So it is important to find and appreciate the more enduring qualities within Yourself.

• Compare yourself only to Yourself – and to no one else

Stop comparing yourself to others, either negatively or positively, with your colleague or neighbor. Do not envy others and do not think that the grass is greener in someone else’s life. Just compare yourself to your Self – and positively so. See what you have achieved and how you have progressed through life so far. Live your own life, not one that someone else (your horoscope, your boss, your friend, etc.) decided or believed is best for you.

• Think with the long-term view

Consider and ask yourself, “What will I think about this situation in one month? In one year?” Project yourself in the further and distant future, and visualize the positive outcome. See your current situation from a relative temporal viewpoint.

• Look for a positive or meaningful purpose

Although it might be difficult, concentrate and reflect, and try to see something – even the slightest – positive purpose in the situation. Try to see what you can learn from this situation. Visualize yourself telling a good, old friend, colleague, or your grown-up child, when they are your age, the advice and wisdom you learned during your tough period.

This is autumn, allow the leaves to fall and the weather to change, and build you own resilience now steadily and consciously. Enjoy the new season!

PS:  Like to discuss this article? Are you in or nearby Geneva? Want to chat about resilience, have joyful, happy moments, or discuss any other leadership, management or communication issues?

Come and join us for our Nexus Drinks, on Tuesday 29 Sept or 8 Oct 2015 after 19.00 at the “The Key & Eagle” in Geneva, 7 Rue de Grenus, near Manor. Just drop us an email if you are interested to come, so we know the numbers.

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Be mindful and notice and appreciate what you like about Yourself, and reaffirm your personal strengths. Get involved in work and activities that you enjoy and make you feel happy and valuable.

1. Breathe

Breathe. Calmly. Take your time, and for a minimum of 3 minutes. Breathe from the stomach. Put your right hand on your stomach, and your left hand on your chest. Now breathe in slowly through your nose. Your right hand, the one resting on your stomach, should move forward, without the other hand moving. Then breathe out slowly through your mouth and let go as much air as possible. Your right hand resting on your stomach should move back, while your left hand should ideally be motionless. Try this method for ten minutes and three times daily, so the destructive effects of stress will disappear and you increase your resilience.

WHAT IS RESILIENCY?

Choose empowering beliefs. Almost every minute of our conscious life we are engaging in self-talk. We are constantly assessing ourselves and our environment and reporting back to ourselves. Most of the time this is no problem, but when the thoughts become intrusive or excessively self-critical or produce anxiety by anticipating negative consequences, we need to constructively change them. Examples of negative self-talk:

“I should perform flawlessly and never make mistakes.”

“I’ll never get this project in on time.”

“My boss didn’t say good morning. She’s probably dis-pleased with my work, and I’ll get a bad evaluation.”

Eliminating negative thoughts and replacing them with positive ones takes practice, but the results are worth it. Review the facts. What is your evidence? Is there another way to view the situation? If not, what is the worst thing that could hap-pen? You may have been concentrating on the worst possible, but by no means the most likely, outcome. Examples of positive self-talk:

“I can learn from my mistakes without dwelling on them.”

“If I stay focused and take it one step at a time, make steady progress.”

“I’m jumping to conclusions. My boss may have been in a bad mood. So far all my evaluations have been positive, so unless I get some negative feed back, I’ll assume my boss is pleased with my work.”

Avoid unrealistic expectations. If you begin the day with an attitude where you believe that the world is changing and nothing stays the same you’ll experience very little stress. In contrast, if you assume that tomorrow will be the same as today and that things will go as you planned you’ll experience a lot of stress if your expectations are not met. Whenever you can, transform your expectations into preferences. The fewer expectations you have, the less upset and disappointed you will be. Become adaptable and flexible. Constant change is part of life, both in and out of the workplace. Resistance is futile! The flexibility that allows us to adapt to change is one of the most important skills we can develop in today’s world. The following are some tips for accepting and handling change more readily:

• Be prepared for the unexpected

• Don’t try for absolute control; go with the flow

• Take care of yourself physically

• Reduce your nostalgia and regret for the past

Be responsible and accountable for your choices. Being responsible for your thoughts, your emotions, your choices and your actions can be very challenging. It means there’s no one to blame. We can still look at what contributed to a situation, but we refuse to be a victim any more. A huge benefit of taking responsibility for ourselves is that we get to choose our preferred emotional state and how we respond to different situations. No one can “make us angry” or make us feel anything we don’t want to feel. We are the ones who decide how we want to feel and act in any given situation.

Use mistakes and other feedback to keep learning. The following questions are often used by resilient people to help them work through a challenging situation. What’s the most difficult part of this for me? Why? How do I feel about that? What’s another way of looking at it? What would my role model think about it? What are some of the options? What does my instinct tell me I want to do about it? If it were possible for this situation to turn out in the best possible way, what might that look like? What’s the worst that could happen? What can I do about coping with that? Who else might help me? What other resources can I use to deal with this? How have I dealt with something similar in the past?